As a girl in my 20s having had my fair share of long-term relationships and casual dates, I’ve started to realise what I value in relationships and what it is I’m actually looking for in a guy.
After talking to many of my female friends, I’ve narrowed down what exactly makes guys stand out!
Of course, this list is non-exhaustive and it does come from my point of view, so do remember that everyone looks for different qualities at different stages of life.
However, here are some common traits that girls may look for in a Singaporean guy!
#1 Sense of Humour
Nothing’s sexier than a guy with a sense of humour!
Well, some things are.
However, a sense of humour definitely takes any relationship to the next level. Going out with a guy who’s boring or only talks business can be such a drag, especially after a long day of working.
It’s also always more fun to spend time with someone who has a life outside of studies and work. Whether it’s sports, a hobby or just an interest – it’s way more exciting to be with someone who knows how to have fun!
You don’t have to be a stand up comedian or even tell jokes to have a sense of humour. Just being able to laugh things off and have lighthearted conversations already puts you on top!
#2 Emotional maturity
You’ve probably heard of how girls tend to go for older guys because they’re “more mature”. However, age is just a number and what most girls look for is really a sense of emotional maturity.
A huge red flag to me is guys who don’t talk about their feelings, as they may feel that it’s not masculine.
Trust me, this is not the vibe!
Being open about how you feel also allows for a deeper level of emotional intimacy and fosters a sense of understanding.
This is especially important when tensions arise or when there’s conflict, which is bound to happen in every relationship.
Having previously been in a relationship with someone who was in NS when I was younger, I’d definitely say that there’s a slight dissonance in terms of emotional maturity despite being the same age. I think this was especially obvious when I had just gotten into university and my ex was still in the army.
You can find out more about managing a relationship while your boyfriend is in NS here.
I often found that a major problem in our relationship was our inability to have vulnerable and honest conversations about issues because he would deflect them. This led to us never having the difficult conversations and this tension eventually built up.
However, I’m still really close friends with this ex today and I’d definitely say now, in his second year of university, he’s a lot more open and we’re able to have significantly deeper conversations.
In fact, I’d say he’s one of the main people I go to till today when I’m upset or need to talk to someone!
I feel that guys really do tend to mature slightly later than girls (there are studies to prove this!), and sometimes, this manifests quite obviously in the difference in willingness to approach certain topics and work through them.
However, I definitely don’t think this statement holds true to every single guy. Plus, from my own experience, once guys complete NS, they usually develop a new sense of self-awareness and sensibility as they enter the next phase of their life.
Nothing’s more frustrating than communicating with someone who doesn’t want to vocalise their feelings, especially when they’re upset about something. So my advice is to just try to be more open especially when it comes to talking about how you feel.
This is probably the most significant personality trait I look for in a guy – or just in general with regards to anyone I choose to surround myself with.
The inability to care about things that might not affect you directly is a clear reflection of the person and who really wants to be around someone like that?
On a more personal level, empathy also allows your potential partner to sympathise with you when you’ve had a bad day or are going through problems instead of condemning you or brushing you off.
Don’t be a cheater. That’s literally it!
#5 Ability To Vibe With Each Others’ Friends
I’d say that this is a really important trait!
In my past relationships, I’ve always enjoyed when my boyfriend and I got along well with each other’s friends and were able to all hang out together.
It really adds another facet to the relationship when you’re able to also have genuine fun in groups with friends.
Moreover, girls will tell their friends everything about their ‘date’!
As such, getting on your potential girlfriend’s friends’ good books will definitely help.
However, don’t feel pressured to try to fit in or be someone you’re not. Just be open and friendly and ultimately if you guys get along it’ll definitely help but also remember your relationship is with your girlfriend not her friends!
It’s also really attractive when a guy can seamlessly integrate into his girlfriend’s family and has a good relationship with them!
Of course, this is usually more important later on in the relationship when things get more serious.
#6 Being Supportive
Having a boyfriend who supports your goals and dreams really is the best feeling!
It’s exhausting to date someone who’s competitive about your achievements, or is someone who puts you down. I feel like some guys tend to behave this way if they feel insecure about their own achievements.
However, do remember that it’s not about competing with your partner, Rather, it’s about motivating each other to achieve whatever you set out to.
Whether it’s a good grade, a dream job or just hobbies, girls definitely appreciate guys who support their ambitions.
Besides, I think being supportive of each other is the foundation of a strong relationship.
#7 Passion and Ambition
Being driven is crazy hot and more often than not being with someone who’s driven, drives you too!
It’s completely alright not to have everything figured out, having a rough idea of what you want and working hard to achieve it is extremely attractive.
I’d say being goal-oriented especially in your 20s also gives you a sense of direction when it comes to knowing what you want in a relationship and what’s important to you.
Stability can be hard to achieve especially if you’re still in university. However, it does help to be able to provide some semblance of dependability.
If you’re still studying, it’s totally understandable not to be fully financially stable.
Nevertheless, it will definitely help to have a good balance in terms of how you spend your time and money!
This also sort of acts as a trial run of how compatible you would be in the future when the two of you have more assets and responsibilities to cope with.
Being emotionally stable in terms of being consistent and present is also important and is probably a good gauge of how committed or serious you are about the relationship.
Be confident in who you are as a person and what you bring to the table!
It’s really fine if you have your own insecurities but don’t let them completely define you.
It makes a world of a difference being with someone who has a strong sense of self and is very secure in their own abilities.
This is especially important also when it comes to trust as if you’re not secure in yourself you might bring that sense of insecurity to your relationship, leading to jealousy and other challenges.
Being a confident individual would also provide a sense of security with regards to your role as a partner as it reassures your girlfriend that you’re sure of who you are and your commitment to the relationship.
Being self-assured often also helps you to come off as suave and charming which is a major plus!
Source: Showbiz Cheatsheet
This really isn’t something you can learn or pick up, you either have it with the person or you don’t, and that’s the real beauty of it!
Nothing beats spending time with someone you have insane chemistry with – the Allie and Noah from ‘The Notebook’ kind of chemistry.
So if you have that with someone, hold on to it!
At the end of the day, the most important thing is to be the best version of yourself and the right girl will see that!
Everyone’s trying to figure themselves out in their 20s and it’s completely ok to just be working on yourself right now and trying to be better.
The best relationships occur naturally. All you’ll need to be is your authentic self, without trying to pretend to be someone you aren’t.
This is a surefire way to help you attract the right person!
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