Is dating fatigue really a thing and do you feel like you have it?
Dating in your 20s is exciting especially since you’re at a place where you have a greater understanding of yourself and what you’re looking for.
However, just as the pandemic has put a damper on our social lives, it’s definitely put way more pressure on Singaporeans in their 20s to be more reliant on dating apps like Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge and Bumble to get to know new people.
The result? Plowing through an endless screen of possible matches and swiping through them vigorously just to find that one ‘OK’ stranger who you might match with, have a conversation with, go on a date with and eventually ghost forever.
That being said, dating is always a gamble, and not getting much out of it might end up leaving you drained.
However, I’ve met great individuals on apps before and I know a couple of people in stable long-term relationships who met online so it is possible albeit admittedly tiring sometimes.
So what exactly makes dating in your 20s in Singapore such a pain?
Why is dating so hard in Singapore?
Ps. Dating is meant to be an enjoyable process so if you’re really dreading it, you might want to take a break from it and rethink how to make it more fun yourself!
Here are some possible reasons why dating may seem so hard in Singapore:
#1 Finding Time To Date
Being in your 20s probably means you’re balancing your academic life, social life, side hustles, part-time jobs and more, so adding casual dating to that might be tricky especially when you’re just starting out.
Going on dates takes time, and the amount of time it takes really depends on the activity you’re doing.
If you’re going to a restaurant with no plans after, you’re probably going to spend around three hours and if you’re doing activities like a beach day or a hike it might take longer.
So, with both yourself and your date having full schedules, finding a mutual time to slot in a date might be difficult and lead to days of planning which might feel draggy and make you less excited to actually meet the individual.
My advice would be to remember that your time is precious and to decide firstly if this individual is worth spending your time with.
If you feel like you’re genuinely interested in meeting the person I would say to commit to it and set a fixed amount of time to meet the individual and let the person know as well so that you both can plan the date activity accordingly.
#2 High Expectations
Source: Mark Hayes
Expectations are definitely an important part of any date and can definitely make or break the first date. They are also without doubt the biggest hindrance when it comes to whether there’ll be a second date.
I would say that expectations come in all forms:
- What you expect to get out of the date
- How you expect your date to look
- How you expect your date to behave
The expectations are definitely different when you actually know the individual in person versus when you meet them online. I’d say there’s more pressure on both parties if you meet online due to the sheer fact that you’re meeting a “stranger”.
Want some advice? Be clear before you meet about your expectations!
There’s no point trying to beat around the bush about what you want because you’ll just end up wasting your time.
Apps like Bumble have a setting on profiles which allow users to display what they’re looking for on the app with options such as:
- ‘Something Casual’
- ‘Don’t Know Yet’
This might be a good way to filter out individuals who might not be looking for the same things you are.
Also, I would say that certain apps might have more innuendos of hook ups such as Tinder whereas others might be for more serious relationships like Coffee Meets Bagel, so if you know what you’re looking for you might want to streamline which apps to use as well.
Lastly, and this applies to all types of dates, figure out what is a red flag and what is a dealbreaker to you.
For example, a red flag could be that your date is a slow texter and a dealbreaker could be that he or she is rude to service staff.
This makes it easier for you to figure out for yourself what you might be able to look past and what you might not.
Source: The Statesman
Ghosting is definitely a fear I think most people have, however, it does come with the territory especially with regards to dating apps.
My personal opinion is that you don’t owe anyone your time and vice versa so you shouldn’t feel obligated to continue a conversation or continue meeting if it gets draining.
I think that if you have that mindset it helps to make dating apps feel less exhausting and it also allows you not to take it personally if you’re the one being ghosted.
However, if you feel like things might not be working out, it always helps to be upfront and end things so both parties get closure.
Ultimately, dating apps are a source for you to meet people quickly and easily and with that same logic, it means that as quickly as the conversation starts, it could also end. So make sure you’re prepared for that before signing up for one.
#4 Trouble Finding Exciting Activities
With the restrictions, it might also seem like there’s not much to do in Singapore which is the common response I hear from my friends and probably why most of the dates I go on are just dinner and drinks.
But I will say that if you really want to try something different there are places to go, you just have to put in the effort to look for them!
I once went on a first date where the guy planned dinner at a fancy restaurant at Fullerton, followed by bar hopping at two bars, and then a game of pool, and finally we sat down in a field and just talked.
So if they really wanted to, they would!
Or you could always plan something similar and out of the box if you feel like you’re tired of the usual dinner and drinks.
I personally feel like a meal and drinks is good for the first date as it serves as more of a chill environment where you can get to know your date a little. Once you feel more comfortable with your date, I’d say trying out new activities can be quite fun and exciting.
Some things you can consider include cycling, hiking, pottery or even a picnic!
At the end of the day, meeting someone and starting any sort of relationship should be exciting and worthwhile! If it’s anything less than that, you might want to take a step back and reflect on what it is you actually want and how to get there.
These tips will come in handy if you tailor them to your own life but don’t forget that dating is a personal experience and not everyone approaches it the same way so do what works best for yourself.
You ultimately get what you put out so if you want someone who knows what they’re about and is confident in themselves, make sure you’re at that point too.
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